I live in pretty much perpetual motion. I am constantly running through the "to do" list in my mind, calculating what I can get done in the next minutes, hours, days. Some of this is survival for a mother of two and med student. Shit needs to get done! And some of this is just a reflection of what I enjoy: a clean home, adventures, outside time, physical activity. But I think there is a touch of discontent there. I feel like I am wasting precious time if I am not ticking through my list. I find it nearly impossible to just sit down and enjoy quiet time chilling with my kids or husband.
I've read a couple of articles recently that have inspired me to reflect on this feverish busyness, and more so, the sense that sometimes overwhelms me that everything is scare.
The Busy Trap
Parenting with Abundance
The Sliver
I notice myself thinking that there just is not enough time to do what needs to be done, that we must be thrifty and not let the bathwater run too long and we must clean our plates and save everything because WHO KNOWS WHEN THE FLOOD MIGHT COME! Really, this is a crazy way to live, and to parent. So I am trying to pay more attention to how this vision of scarcity influences me. I'm also trying little interventions to foster more a sense of abundance and embracing the quiet moment I am in, without rushing off to get something else done: forcing myself to just sit and play trains with Sam or watch Ethan as he plays his videos games; holding my tongue when the words "wasting time" start to bubble up, especially as we get ready to go in the mornings (late as usual); closing the computer screen to just sit on the couch for a while with Jeremy in the evenings.
In fact, I'm going to try that last one right now...
1 comment:
I've gone through similar periods, where it feels like any minute of free time must be used PRODUCTIVELY and otherwise I'm WASTING TIME because there is just SO! MUCH! TO! DO! And then I remember that the endless running does not do me any good. That as much as doing "nothing" sometimes may look "unproductive", it is indeed a really important thing to make time for. That just as children need free time to just play and do things they just plain feel like for the sake of doing them, as adults we also still need down time, time to just sit and be and do "unproductive" things that refuel our minds and souls so we have the mental, emotional, physical energy to keep up with everything else. (I've noticed that for me, if I don't get some sitting-around-doing-whatever time I start feeling anxious and scattered and have a harder time focusing or relaxing) This is how I've slowly learned to justify spending time reading a book, catching up on blogs, or watching TV with Zach at night, etc... I've heard of people who actively schedule "down time" into their days/weeks, to help ease that nagging voice of guilt and acknowledge the importance of that time. It means a few things get left undone in the to-do list, but maybe some of those things don't HAVE to get done right now anyway...
Post a Comment