Sleep and Love

You may recall that sleep has been a bit of an issue with Sam.  For a year and a half I woke up for several hours/for the day sometime between 2 and 4 AM.  Then last summer Jeremy tapped me on the shoulder and took over.  I started sleeping on the couch and Jeremy moved into the king sized bed next to Sam's crib.  It took months and many 4 AM awakenings, but Jeremy has finally (momentarily?) convinced Sam to sleep quietly all night and wake up between 5 and 6.  There's part of me that misses being Sam's primary person and having the around the clock connection to him.  But it's not a big part.  Mostly I just think about how many breakfasts in bed it will take to repay Jeremy for the gift of sleep.

I moved from the couch to Ethan's bed when he started waking up in the middle of the night sad and sweaty, calling for me.  It took alot of effort to settle him down again and it would cut into his much needed sleep.  If he woke and found me next to him, he'd just roll over and fall back asleep, no big deal.  Also, I find sleeping in a comfortable bed next to my kiddo much more enjoyable than trying not too fall of the couch all night.  

Sleeping in Ethan's bed has had another unexpected effect.  I get to experience him at his sweetest times of the day.  There may be much trashing about before falling asleep, but he always settles eventually, and he looks so darn precious when he is asleep.  Then first thing in the morning, he rolls over and asks for a cuddle.  Physical affection is not Ethan's favorite, so I absolutely treasure these snuggly moments.  Having this tender time together has helped me rekindle that deep fire of maternal love for him.  It has been so difficult to parent him through the hard times that I started to see him as a job that I had to tolerate, not a kindred spirit that I would actually want to be near if it wasn't required.  A couple of months of getting a full night's sleep followed by morning cuddles, and I am in love with my boy again. 

Are you coming, mom?

Hannukah 2013

In keeping with this year's theme of holiday simplicity, we kept the Festival of Lights low key: candles, chocolate, soup, friends.

Ready for Adventure

Winter Play Outside

Kindergarten False Alarm

This fall we had a little trial run at kindergarten.  Since Ethan was a baby I had planned to start him in kindergarten when he was six.  There were many reasons: he has a summer birthday, so he'd be on the young end of his class and I've heard from many an experienced kindergarten teacher that boys need an extra year to settle down and focus on school.  Plus starting later makes them a little more mature when they go through all of the subsequent transitions to middle school, high school, college.  And philosophically, I think childhood is about imagination, reading stories, making muffins, running around and riding bikes, and I hate the idea of tying kiddos to a desk to practice letter sounds when there is still so much playing to be done.  

But when it came time for kindergarten decisions last spring, when Ethan was about to turn 5, I let myself be convinced that he was ready.  He's so bright!  He behaves so well at preschool!  He's so curious!  We checked out the Waldorf school, which felt like a lovely fairy playland, but it was too expensive and far away and the teacher didn't work for us.  (She grabbed Ethan and yelled at him on our visit day.  I know he's a handful, but yikes!).  So we went with our local public school.  We believe in public education and many neighbors reassured us that it was a great school.  They even have an all school sing a long once a week!  Sitting in the cafeteria full of kiddos singing "Peace Like a River" was a great way to win me over.  We spent weeks prepping Ethan, visiting the playground, talking about the daily routine, buying school supplies and arranging for a much admired neighborhood 8 year old to take care of Ethan on the bus.  I adjusted my school schedule to help with the transition.

He had his first scary and exciting day, complete with front porch photos and a crying mama.  Jeremy and I stared at each other in disbelief, then enjoyed the quiet.  

Ethan came home that day, and every day for the week and a half that we held out, completely walloped.  He was practically peeing his pants on the bus because he'd been holding it all afternoon.  He was desperately hungry because they "eat" lunch at 11:30 (or in Ethan's case, stare at the hustle and bustle for 20 minutes) and don't eat again until getting home at 3:40.  And he was sooo tired.  It took an adult completely dedicated to feeding, soothing, guiding him to bed just to make it through the afternoon without huge meltdowns.  Ethan loved riding the bus but said Kindergarten was "alot of work", with tons of phonics and math and only 1 hour/day of free choice time and 30 minutes of recess.  Not my dream of early childhood education!  We tried it for a Jeremy tried hard to negotiate with the teacher about getting him an afternoon snack, or bathroom reminders, or letting Jeremy come hang out during lunch to make him feel more comfortable and actually eat something.  No go.  Apparently having parents in the school during the day is "not consistent with their goals in kindergarten".  Not sure exactly what their goals were but I'm fairly certain they are not the same as my goals, which are to get my kid excited about learning and discovery, to help him feel safe and comfortable, to teach him kindness, and (most importantly for all the other goals) make sure he is well fed and rested.  

Everyone I spoke with said it takes a couple of weeks at least to get adjusted to kindergarten and that we should just wait it out.  But I couldn't believe that it was worth all the hard work and stress on Ethan to succeed at an academic pursuit (and kindergarten has gotten very academic) that I don't even think is particularly important for him right now.  So we pulled him out.  

By a stroke of good fortune, as we were debating about calling it quits on kindergarten, we stumbled upon a wonderful, play based, cooperative preschool that just happened to have an opening in the morning class.  The day we visited they were picking tomatoes from their garden and making their own salsa!  They also have 3 other five year old boys in the class and require a parent to help out twice a month.  Ethan slid right in, with no meltdowns, no stress.  Now he spends his mornings playing at school and quiet afternoons at home.  We'll try kindergarten again next year.

The First Day of Kindergarten (almost)

How we survived the holiday season

The Christmas season is an incredibly difficult time for Ethan.  The disruption in his routine is exciting but also stressful and full of anxious anticipation for him, with every day holding the promise (the curse?) of a present, a special event, a treat, a visiting guest from out of town, something different from the usual.  All this excitement wakes him early each morning.  Usual bedtime + early morning wake up = not enough sleep.  And Ethan is so very sensitive to not getting enough sleep.  I mean, really sensitive.  If he gets 11 hours, we will have a good day.  If he gets 10 hours, we brace for the torrent of meltdowns.  This year, the usual holiday upheaval was paired with me being out of town a bunch for residency interviews.  Plus Sam waking up at 4:30 every morning.  Plus Ethan's tooth pull.  All that chaos combined to create a parental stress level that has been through the roof. 

So we tried to adjust our holiday plans to honor Ethan's temperament and our stress level.  Most of our accommodations hinged on helping Ethan to know exactly what was coming:

• We told Ethan there is no Santa Claus. This was not my choice, as I love the Santa myth and felt a little cheated that no one ever tried to pretend it was real with me as a kid.  But Ethan's BFF Donovan doesn't believe, so Ethan started asking if Santa was really real.  Never one for lying, Jeremy just told the truth.  Less mystery makes for less stress for the little man.

• We let Ethan pick out exactly what presents he was getting, which were agreed on and purchased a month in advance.  Less anticipation, less disappointment.

• We limited the number of gifts. 

• No guests, no travel.  We missed Nana and Pappy and worried over them, holed up with the flu, but really benefitted from the calm and quiet of having the immediate family only on Christmas morning.

• Ethan opened his Lego advent calendar at night so that there was less motivation for early morning wake ups.

• Ethan helped me fill our home-made advent calendar with a Hersey kiss for every day.  I used to fill it with fun activities but this led to daily tantrums about how the activities that I'd picked weren't what he really wanted, which in turn hurt my feelings.  Chocolate makes everyone happy.

• Ethan and I went "elving" on Christmas Eve and filled the stockings for the whole family.  We went to the pharmacy and bought candy, flashing toothbrushes (a huge hit with wee Sam), lip balm, sports wrap, tea, lipstick for me.  Ethan was delighted to play a role in getting presents for everyone and loved sneaking around behind Jeremy's back.

• We put everything on the calendar (including Ethan's own illustration of the movie Frozen, shown below).

• Early bedtimes, as in both kids asleep by 6:30 PM.  

• No evening events, except the Christmas tree lighting and Grinch sighting in downtown Hanover.  Still got to sleep by 7 PM.

• We got rid of the Christmas tree right away after the New Year.  

• Lots of deep breathing and holding close to the belief that this too shall pass.  

We survived.  There was alot of fighting and flying emotions, and I did consider cancelling Christmas altogether next year, but I think our plan helped get us through.  And of course Ethan (and his parents) deserve credit for showing more maturity and self restraint this year than last.  By the middle of January we were pretty much done with the big tantrums, a good month ahead of last year's schedule.  We are so thankful to be done with the holidays, onto the New Year and back in our routine.  

'Mooshie and Other Obsessions

Sam loves the blender.  Loves. The. Blender.  It makes a favorite substance ("mooshie"), has buttons, makes noise, and has a top.  What's not to love?

(Side note: doesn't this picture make us look healthy and organized?)

Unfortunately, the blender is dangerous and, although toddlers may beg to differ and my laissez faire parenting style makes me want to deny it, it is not an appropriate plaything.  The solution?  We found an old, free blender, removed the blades and cut off the cord.  He plays with it constantly.  He also likes to ask to plug it in.  Which sounds a little like he is saying something else:

Other things that Sam loves: 

Sorting the silverware drawer

Using screwdrivers to "fick it" (fix it).  That is, poke at every screw in the house.  For some strange reason Jeremy does not allow Sam to play with real screwdrivers and forbade the practice.  At least Sam got to enjoy the tools for a few days before cautious/killjoy Papa nixed the fun.

Putting on hats, shoes, mittens (especially if they belong to someone else)

Cuppy

Reading. Reading. Reading.

Favorites are Brown Bear, Wheels on the Bus (esp the page with the crying baby), Mr. Brown Can Moo, Snuggle Puppy, The Nose Book.  He commands that we "sit!" to read and then he bounces his little feet in anticipation.  

Cars and trains

Oh how I love this curious little kiddo

Boys at Work

Thanks to Marcy for the gorgeous photos of these focused little guys.

Loose Teeth

Ethan lost his first two teeth!  The first fell out in the typical way: a couple of weeks of wiggling it then pop! it fell out on the way home from playing at Donovan's.

The second was not so smooth.  The adult tooth came in behind the baby tooth.  Our beloved hygienist told us during a regular cleaning that the baby tooth wouldn't come out on its own and would need to be pulled.  We scheduled the extraction.  Following extensive discussion with Ethan about what to expect, particularly with the Novacaine shot, the fateful day arrived.  Red flags appeared immediately.  Number one: favorite hygienist was not there.  Number two: they moved him into a new and strange room.  Ethan started screaming and crying and (red flag number three) was held down into the dental chair by two strangers.  Then he saw the very large syringe the dentist planned to use on him and commenced to freak the f' out and completely refused the shot.  After turning to Jeremy in confusion (red flag number four), the dentist pulled the tooth with no anestesia.  Jeremy was so, so angry and felt like he did not fully consent and that Ethan's distress and fear was handled so poorly.

Fortunately, Ethan recalls the dentist as very nice and the procedure as super fast, not too painful, and followed immediately by numbing gauze.  Several times in the week following he pretended to pull my tooth and put soothing gauze on afterward.  I think we worked through the medical trauma for him.  Let's hope that Jeremy can work through it soon.

Now we've got a loose tooth on the top.  We'll see how this one finds its way out...

Halloween

 Warm-up at our med school party, which involved bobbing for apples, eating lots of sweets, 

and Ethan destroying a pinata with his insane swing. 

Ethan totally led the charge of superheroes on Halloween night.  He ran from house to house and was the first to ring the bell and shout "Trick or Treat".  Such a change from last year, when he hung back in the group and walked up to each door, utterly silent, goody bag open.  

So amazing to watch him grow.

Candy Costume Cartoon Chaos