Brothers

The brothers Holiday are getting along so much better these days.  Ethan loves to make Sam laugh and to engage him in physical play (crawling across the hall, wrestling in bed, pushing Sam in a stroller).  Ethan often asks to sit right next to Sam at meals and sometimes feeds him.  

Thankfully, Ethan also usually asks for help to remove Sam when Baby Brozilla starts meddling with toys that are "too special to me", instead of just punching/pinching/kicking him out of the way.  The relocation of the lego table to Ethan's room has helped with this alot - good call Jeremy!

It is a tremendous relief to be able to trust Ethan to be (mostly) kind and responsible with his little bro.  It's a far cry from the constant supervision that was required for most of the last year, when violence was the norm and sweetness the exception.  So proud of Ethan for growing into his role as a big brother.

 

Sam may not walk yet, but he climbs wherever he damn well pleases: the dryer, the table, the counter, the toilet, inside the dishwasher.  Ethan thinks Sam is on to something.  And don't worry about them in the dryer; Jeremy taught Ethan how to kick the door open if he gets stuck.

 

 

 

Videos of brother love (and a little solo Sam cuteness):

April 2012

 

Winter 2012-13

 

 

 

 

May 2013

Five Years

 

 

On that hot, summer day in 2008, I really had no idea what I was in for. What a journey we've been on ever since. Seeing the love and spirit and sense of humor and intensity and curiosity in this kid, I couldn't be more honored and humbled to be his Jody.

 

Happy 5th Birthday, Ethan. 

The Art of Imitation

Sam is in the midst of a major transformation.  No longer just a watcher of our actions, his is now our resident imitator.  

Examples from the last two weeks: 

-eating with a fork (an oft unsuccessful venture)

-putting lids on containers

-feeding us (he usually forgets to let go of the food and just holds the slimy nectarine slice/soggy cherrio/half-chewed pancake to my lips and waits)

-clapping (this gesture was learned a few months ago and then abandoned - perhaps he found it overly enthusiastic?)

-waving bye-bye

A personal favorite: just today he started consistently using sign language for "nurse" and "all done." 

As Marcy would say, *swoon*.

Sam Sleep Saga

In the beginning Sam slept like a newborn.  (I know this is shocking.)  He was up every couple of hours to nurse and would fall back asleep, or not.  

Then he kept right on sleeping like a newborn until he was 10 months old.  He was up every couple of hours to nurse and would fall back asleep, or not.  

I found a place of peaceful acceptance throughout almost all of it.  I didn't think of his sleep as "bad", just how he slept.  Sometimes I woke up tearful or wanting to squish him until he want back to sleep, but those nights were the exception.  Mostly I just loved on him, often actually feeling happy to see him at night.  I found some hidden well of acceptance inside of myself and saw the middle of the night as our chance to connect without work or the computer or brother (or any other waking human) to interrupt us.  The night was an opporunity to surrender to just being with Sam, with his huge needs and also his softness, his smallness. 

I know this sounds like crazy-talk.  Who loves getting woken up every hour to soothe their crying baby?  It is crazy.  I find that acceptance is the fundamental challenge of parenting for me.  Mostly, I struggle to accept that my kids don't do what I want and that they need things that I don't want to give.  In other words, that they are there own people and that my job is to just do what needs to be done for them. That's remarkably hard. 

But sleep with Sam was my chance to practice.  And for almost a year, I woke without (much) resentment or anger.  I just did what needed to be done.

Until I got a little too tired and started losing my cool around 9.5 months.  I was walking around like an angry zombie who would eat your brains for a chance to take a 20 minute nap.  With all the strife in our life with Ethan, I didn't want to have more horribleness in our home.  So I tried to night wean and just rock/sing/dance/shush to comfort Sam during his many nighttime wakings.  This resulted in alot of screaming and alot less sleep for me.  Mission aborted, back to waking every 1-2 hours for a little nurse or a little bouncy back pat.  (Note: if you are going to night wean, let your non-nursing partner take over.  I think babies can't stand to have the milk so close, and yet so far away.)

A month later we did cry-it-out.  Jeremy took charge and went in to comfort Sam every few minutes until he eventually fell asleep on his own - still sitting up, head lolling around, occasionally plopping over and banging into the crib rails and starting he cycle over again.  We had one bad night with 5 rounds of 20 minutes of screaming.  The next night there were a few brief wake-ups.  The next night, none.  He slept for 12 hours for a few nights in a row.  It was just like the books say!  It was amazing!  It also involved far less crying than any of our previous attempts to "soothe" him.

But then he got four teeth in three weeks.  And started fighting naps like you would not believe.  And was fussy alot of the day.  For those of you who know Sam, you know this is weird.  He is such a happy, chill baby, just babbling the day away, playing with discarded toys and munching cheerios. In the midst of all this unusual Sam behavior, he started waking up between 3:30-4:30 every morning and is pretty much up for the day.  Read that again.  Yes, he's up for the day at 4 AM.

For two weeks we tried letting him cry in the hope that he would learn to resettle himself.  He cried until we got him at 5 every day.  No good.  Our new plan is to get him immediately for a quick nurse and then try to put him back to sleep.  It works well, except for the back to sleep part.  So, if you are looking for some company in the early morning hours, Sam is ready to play.  I might be busy trying to find my well of acceptance again.

A Lesson in Easter Eggs

This past weekend was pretty much constant best friend fun.  Donovan, Ethan's best buddy, lives down the street and Ethan recently learned to walk/run/shovel/robot-boogie to Donovan's house to collect him for playdates.  (Ethan also recently began checking the mail by himself.)  Oh, I love this independent guy.  I hope he has enough impulse control to stop and look before he runs across every street, but I think it is good work (for both him and me) to practice just letting him do his own thing, without calling warnings and directions after him as he runs.

Play between E + D is smooth these days.  They find all sorts of creative ways to meet both of their needs.  For example, Ethan at one point wanted to play Rescue Bots and Donovan preferred racing cars.  Solution: the Rescue Bots can have cars for kids!  Turns out children are really excellent problem-solvers if you give them a chance.

Other sweet things about these guys: They crack each other up with goofy moves and funny voices.  They tell each other about their recent discoveries and creations (D: These are my robot decorations!  E: I have Optimus Prime on my toothbrush!).  Most of the time they talk about thier frustrations before Ethan headlocks Donovan.  

When Donovan comes over, I mostly hang out in the kitchen with Sam while they do their awesome kid-friend thing.

Easter Eggs Round #1:

One choice activity this weekend was dyeing Easter Eggs.  My natural tendency is to try to control every move Ethan makes.  I have been working on this ALOT in the last couple of years.  Embracing chaos and letting him experiment, explore and discover requires constant tongue-biting on my part.  Fortunately, despite all my hovering and correcting, I haven't totally killed Ethan's curiosity and creativity yet.  So the practice of accepting his own unique work continues.  Can I say again how amazed I am that Ethan continues to be the prefect/most challenging teacher for me?

Anyway, an activity such as egg dyeing, with so much potential for crafty perfection and/or a huge mess, sets my controlling gears in motion.   When Donovan joyfully plopped green in all the dye baths both Ethan and I let out a little shreik.  This is not per protocol!  We quickly recovered our wits and let the dye experienments continue.  The eggs came out beautifully, of course, but more importantly they were the boys' own, personal work, not the creations of a mommy puppet master.  These eggs remind me how important it is to let the kids do their own work.  So many of the perfect mommy-blog creations out there are the result of the crafty parent dictating exactly how the kids makes art.  For once, not here! 

 

Easter Eggs Round #2:

Today while Ethan was at pre-school I bought some Easter supplies and hatched a grand plan.  I would put together all the cute little eggs full of treats and stickers and toys, late at night when Ethan was asleep.  I would hide them by myself and oh how surprised and delighted he and his friends would be when they opened them on Easter morning! 

But then I gave Ethan an advance on the Easter goodies: Lego stickers in a giant Easter egg.  He begged for me to show him all of the treats and to let him help make the eggs for his buddies.  Instead of Jody's hard work rewarded with Ethan's appreciation and love, he would prefer to work together and do something kind and generous for his friends?  Obviously I said yes.  But I also felt a little bit robbed of my glory.  I was trying to be the star of the show!

So, we crafted together for an hour before dinner and made of the cutest Easter eggs ever.  Highlights include: Dad egg, zebra egg, cracked egg, porcupine egg, and smiling egg.  Way better than anything I could have come up with.

Sweeties in Snowy Springtime

Why is the sink draining so slowly?