Sam Sleep Saga

In the beginning Sam slept like a newborn.  (I know this is shocking.)  He was up every couple of hours to nurse and would fall back asleep, or not.  

Then he kept right on sleeping like a newborn until he was 10 months old.  He was up every couple of hours to nurse and would fall back asleep, or not.  

I found a place of peaceful acceptance throughout almost all of it.  I didn't think of his sleep as "bad", just how he slept.  Sometimes I woke up tearful or wanting to squish him until he want back to sleep, but those nights were the exception.  Mostly I just loved on him, often actually feeling happy to see him at night.  I found some hidden well of acceptance inside of myself and saw the middle of the night as our chance to connect without work or the computer or brother (or any other waking human) to interrupt us.  The night was an opporunity to surrender to just being with Sam, with his huge needs and also his softness, his smallness. 

I know this sounds like crazy-talk.  Who loves getting woken up every hour to soothe their crying baby?  It is crazy.  I find that acceptance is the fundamental challenge of parenting for me.  Mostly, I struggle to accept that my kids don't do what I want and that they need things that I don't want to give.  In other words, that they are there own people and that my job is to just do what needs to be done for them. That's remarkably hard. 

But sleep with Sam was my chance to practice.  And for almost a year, I woke without (much) resentment or anger.  I just did what needed to be done.

Until I got a little too tired and started losing my cool around 9.5 months.  I was walking around like an angry zombie who would eat your brains for a chance to take a 20 minute nap.  With all the strife in our life with Ethan, I didn't want to have more horribleness in our home.  So I tried to night wean and just rock/sing/dance/shush to comfort Sam during his many nighttime wakings.  This resulted in alot of screaming and alot less sleep for me.  Mission aborted, back to waking every 1-2 hours for a little nurse or a little bouncy back pat.  (Note: if you are going to night wean, let your non-nursing partner take over.  I think babies can't stand to have the milk so close, and yet so far away.)

A month later we did cry-it-out.  Jeremy took charge and went in to comfort Sam every few minutes until he eventually fell asleep on his own - still sitting up, head lolling around, occasionally plopping over and banging into the crib rails and starting he cycle over again.  We had one bad night with 5 rounds of 20 minutes of screaming.  The next night there were a few brief wake-ups.  The next night, none.  He slept for 12 hours for a few nights in a row.  It was just like the books say!  It was amazing!  It also involved far less crying than any of our previous attempts to "soothe" him.

But then he got four teeth in three weeks.  And started fighting naps like you would not believe.  And was fussy alot of the day.  For those of you who know Sam, you know this is weird.  He is such a happy, chill baby, just babbling the day away, playing with discarded toys and munching cheerios. In the midst of all this unusual Sam behavior, he started waking up between 3:30-4:30 every morning and is pretty much up for the day.  Read that again.  Yes, he's up for the day at 4 AM.

For two weeks we tried letting him cry in the hope that he would learn to resettle himself.  He cried until we got him at 5 every day.  No good.  Our new plan is to get him immediately for a quick nurse and then try to put him back to sleep.  It works well, except for the back to sleep part.  So, if you are looking for some company in the early morning hours, Sam is ready to play.  I might be busy trying to find my well of acceptance again.