Poor guy

In a way that is nearly reminiscent of his second year of life, Ethan has been sick alot this fall and winter.  Nothing serious, just one bug after another.  Poor little buddy.

 

Home Days

Things are going so well with our little family these days.  Ethan hasn't had a knock-down tantrum in over a month (compared to the several hours per day that we would spend in a storm of aggression in December and January).  He's really learning how to be gentle with Sam and how to ask for help when Sam is frustrating him.  We are also getting better at preventing meltdowns and responding gently to Ethan when he has tough times.  Some new strategies include early dinner (usually at 4:30PM, before mama gets home and changes the groove), early bedtime (sometimes asleep by 6:30), copious snacks, empathizing with his anger/frustration and helping him name his problems and solve them before he explodes, making more time for one-on-one with both grown-ups.  Jeremy has really been pouring in so much loving-kindness into Ethan, with more patience and presence than ever before.  All that love and compassion brings out the best in our little wild-man.

When Sam was born, we basically divided our parenting tasks.  I took Sam and Jeremy cared for Ethan.  It made sense at the time, with all the nursing and with Ethan's intense attachment to Jeremy.  And to be honest, I really wanted to disappear on a baby-island with Sam.  Sadly, I think this division really undermined my (already rocky) relationship with Ethan.  These days we are finally starting to heal.  I have had some mornings where Jeremy takes Sam, freeing me up to play legos and eat breakfast with Ethan, just us.  And now that we've gotten Sam to actually sleep, bedtime isn't such a disaster and Ethan has actually had BOTH parents with him for books some nights.  While Sam was crying it out at night, I slept with Ethan for a few nights.  His soft little arm wrapped around my arm, sweaty palm on my skin, his kid breath on my face.  He told me in the morning that he loves having sleep-overs with me.  It was like we finally found each other again after our souls were apart for so long.

Most of the credit for our good groove really goes to Ethan.  He just sort of worked through his inner storm and arrived on the other side.  In particular, he seems better able to understand and accept that there is a time for everything.  He gets that there is a time when he has to share his grown-up with Sam, but that there will be one-on-one time later.   There's a time when I am at school and he won't see me much, and then a time when I am home almost every day and he will get lots of opportunities to play with me and snuggle and read books.  March is one of those times, a home month for me.  All of February Ethan would point to March 1 on the calender and announce, "This is Jody's home day.  In March, she will have lots of home days."

Early morning lego build

Pots and Pans

 Pretty much.

Sparkle

2 PM is a dangerous time.  Ethan no longer naps and quiet time doesn't recharge the tank on this guy the way a good two-hour nap used to.  So by afternoon he is usually tired and tired = smashy.  He asks to "play trucks" and then (accidentally?) crushes your hands while he batters his fire truck into your poor little tractor.  He "hugs" Sam with a not-so-stealth ferocity that (thankfully) we don't see as often these days, often pushing him to the ground and snatching his toys.  When Ethan is in this state, he doesn't really make eye contact and when he does it is a fleeting, angry glance.  It took me a remarkably long time, but I am finally learning to read this kid and actually respond to what he is asking for.  Most of the time he doesn't use words to say exactly what he feels and needs.  If he did, I imagine it would sound something like this: "I'm tired and hungry and that is making me wind up and my energy is spirally out of control and I can't stop myself from hurting you so please give me direction and a snack and help me move along to bed post-haste!"  But he does communicate  in a way that is perfectly clear, if you are paying attention.  This is how he tells me he is losing it: a few smashes, a few commands of "play with me immediately!", the reply of "NO!" when offered a snack followed by rapid shoveling of handfuls of said snack into the mouth, no eye contact, maybe a little elbowing.  So now that I can see and acknowledge that he needs something, what is the something I should deliver?  Clearly, anything that moves us toward dinner and books and bed.  But also a little fun project can do the trick to fill in the 2 PM vortex.  Usually my first 15 suggestions are struck down and he almost never goes for something that involves leaving the house.  (We have an intense homebody here.)  But when I find the right project, he focuses like a laser-beam, completely engrossed in a way that only happens when he is about to keel over from exhaustion.  I have seen him color mix or wash dishes or cover himself in shaving cream for a hour in this mood.

Yesterday, we sparkled.  Sparkling is my new Waldorf-inspired term for cleaning.  He chose his materials (spray cleaner, rags and Squeegee) and went to TOWN.  When Jeremy complimented me on my sparkling (meant to be a compliment on coming up with a positive way to survive the afternoon) Ethan piped in and said proudly, "I sparkled too".  Way better than a tantrum.

Before and After

Wow, Sam likes to eat.  See the devastation this pincer grasp can inflict on cheerio-kind.

Lego Creations - Combine Harvester

Ethan has recently quantum leaped ahead in his Lego building.  Here is a combine harvester / lawn mower he built entirely by himself.

A night with the boys in a groove

Life has been pretty tumultuous around here lately so it has been amazing that Ethan, Sam, and I have finally gotten into a groove the past two days.  After spending almost an entire month in tantrum avoidance mode, I found myself actually having a good time.  Below are some pictures from bath time and the ensuing play-around-before-bedtime.

Sam's like "Oh, my god, can I, like, play in the bath all crazy with that curly headed medium person"