Home Days

Things are going so well with our little family these days.  Ethan hasn't had a knock-down tantrum in over a month (compared to the several hours per day that we would spend in a storm of aggression in December and January).  He's really learning how to be gentle with Sam and how to ask for help when Sam is frustrating him.  We are also getting better at preventing meltdowns and responding gently to Ethan when he has tough times.  Some new strategies include early dinner (usually at 4:30PM, before mama gets home and changes the groove), early bedtime (sometimes asleep by 6:30), copious snacks, empathizing with his anger/frustration and helping him name his problems and solve them before he explodes, making more time for one-on-one with both grown-ups.  Jeremy has really been pouring in so much loving-kindness into Ethan, with more patience and presence than ever before.  All that love and compassion brings out the best in our little wild-man.

When Sam was born, we basically divided our parenting tasks.  I took Sam and Jeremy cared for Ethan.  It made sense at the time, with all the nursing and with Ethan's intense attachment to Jeremy.  And to be honest, I really wanted to disappear on a baby-island with Sam.  Sadly, I think this division really undermined my (already rocky) relationship with Ethan.  These days we are finally starting to heal.  I have had some mornings where Jeremy takes Sam, freeing me up to play legos and eat breakfast with Ethan, just us.  And now that we've gotten Sam to actually sleep, bedtime isn't such a disaster and Ethan has actually had BOTH parents with him for books some nights.  While Sam was crying it out at night, I slept with Ethan for a few nights.  His soft little arm wrapped around my arm, sweaty palm on my skin, his kid breath on my face.  He told me in the morning that he loves having sleep-overs with me.  It was like we finally found each other again after our souls were apart for so long.

Most of the credit for our good groove really goes to Ethan.  He just sort of worked through his inner storm and arrived on the other side.  In particular, he seems better able to understand and accept that there is a time for everything.  He gets that there is a time when he has to share his grown-up with Sam, but that there will be one-on-one time later.   There's a time when I am at school and he won't see me much, and then a time when I am home almost every day and he will get lots of opportunities to play with me and snuggle and read books.  March is one of those times, a home month for me.  All of February Ethan would point to March 1 on the calender and announce, "This is Jody's home day.  In March, she will have lots of home days."

Early morning lego build